Mom of five Yamel Belen regularly welcomed her kids home from school with the question, “How was your day?” — as parents often do.
The polite, yet uninspired greeting would often elicit spiritless responses from her brood, who range in age from 7 to 25, such as, “It was good,” “Fine” or “OK.”
The dead-end answers to her commonplace probe would automatically derail a potential heart-to-heart chat — one offering Belen a peek into her children’s lives outside of the home — before one even began. She hated feeling shut out.
So the native New Yorker got creative with her approach.
“I really hated getting the ‘It was good’ response to my after-school questioning,” Belen, a registered nurse from Brooklyn, now living in Tampa, Florida, told The Post. “I wanted to know everything about their lives at school and felt like I was doing something wrong [as a mother].”
“So, I started asking questions that would give me better responses,” the 40-something added.
Instead of the general question, she makes inquiries like: “What made you smile today?” and “Who did you sit next to at lunch?” and “What part of the day made you super happy?”
She said her strategy opened up the lines of communication — namely with her 17-year-old son and elementary schooler daughters, aged 9 and 7.
“Now I’m getting all the tea,” bragged Belen, whose TikTok posts dedicated to her post-school questions have garnered more than 741,000 views.
She’s not alone. Moms like Belen — who have been addressing the buzzy communication issue on TikTok as “#HowWasSchool,” which has raked in more than 4.1 million views — are sharing alternative queries to prompt the best post-school chats.
Belen says her youngest daughters — in the fourth and second grade, respectively — are now eager to share unique details about their experiences each day.
“Moving away from ‘How was your day?’ after school and asking questions that get them talking has made us extremely close,” she told The Post. “Having open dialogue with the little ones now sets the foundation for [fluid] conversations about tougher topics when they become teenagers.”
And her advice might be just what the doctor ordered.
Lesley Koeppel, a psychotherapist in Manhattan, tells The Post that connecting with kids about the highs and lows of their school days can help the parent-child bond.
“I always advise parents against asking ‘How was your day?’ because it doesn’t show that you’re truly interested in them — their likes, dislikes, decision-making, friends, teachers or strengths,” said the expert.
She, too, noted that a generic ask about a tot’s day behind the desk — similar to a kindly “How are you today?” that an adult might causally say to a friend or stranger in passing — could leave the little one feeling unimportant.
“It’s more impactful to ask questions that focus on the child’s daily processes,” said Koeppel, a mom of three. “When we acknowledge our kids’ feelings about the things they’ve experienced by asking something like, ‘What was the best part of your day?’ It shows them we truly care, and that builds their self-esteem.”
Parents of kids Gen Z-aged and younger are constantly working to enhance their family ties.
Mothers like Jax Anderson have established text messaging codes based on emojis with their tweens, offering kids a safe way to send a digital “SOS” when they feel unsafe.
Some parents even share a bed with their big kids, hoping to maintain a sweet attachment.
Like Belen, Hannah Clarneau, a mom of four from Tennessee, only asks questions that get her young twins gabbing, as she showed in a clip that received 1.9 million views.
“First thing I like to ask my kids is, ‘Did you like lunch today?’” revealed the blond. “If they didn’t like it, they probably didn’t eat it. If they didn’t eat it, they’re probably going to be grumpy.”
She also found success in asking her children about recess.
“They might tell you how they’re playing, what they like to do … What are they doing with their friends for pretend play?” said Clarneau.
Lisett Bohannon, 37, a mom of two from Austin, Texas, tells The Post she was surprised to learn what her 8-year-old daughter, Billie, was up to after swapping out “How was your day?” for the more specific “What did you do during recess?” last week.
“She’s running an entire business on the playground,” said Bohannon, a marketing manager, who got the idea to jazz up her after-school prompts from Clarneau’s viral video.
Her third grader recently began hawking handmade bracelets to classmates, trading the colorful accessories for “tickets” that act as currency for prizes at her school’s store.
“I had no clue,” the proud mama said with a laugh.
“My husband and I really care about what our kids are doing, especially when we’re not around them,” said Bohannon, who’s also gained major insight on her 10-year-old son Kingston, an avid soccer player, since improving her daily questions.
“I love getting the tea — and they’re actually more excited to tell me about it.”
Alternatives to “How was your day?”
- Who’d you sit next to on the bus? What did you guys talk about?
- Did you see any acts of kindness today?
- Who did something goofy or silly today during recess?
- Did you like your lunch today?
- Who wasn’t on their game during sports practice today?
- Who did you play with on the playground?
- Who makes you feel the most comfortable in class?
- Who isn’t easy to be around in the classroom?
- At school, who can you go to when you’re sad, mad or unhappy?
- Who got in trouble today?
