She doesn’t like what he is proposing.
A 29-year-old man decided to ask his 27-year-old fiancée for a prenup a few months after popping the question in Italy — and now he’s wondering if he was wrong.
“Ever since we returned home she’s been absolutely obsessed with planning every single detail, sometimes to the extent of calling me at work to confirm colors or styles of certain decor pieces,” the man wrote last week in a post on the “Am I The A–hole” sub-Reddit thread.
He explained that he works for a well-known tech company that pays well, while she works in retail — but he claims he doesn’t mind “financially supporting her.”
The man said he mentioned a week or so ago that they should file for a prenup as they get their marriage license.
“As soon as I finished saying this, I could see my fiancée’s stomach drop, her entire demeanor changed and she held an expression somewhere between angry and hurt,” he wrote, adding that his fiancée said a prenup was “pointless.”
She said she plans on staying married forever. He responded that it would just make him “feel more comfortable and that it was just a precaution.”
Clearly upset, she questioned whether he trusted her.
“I explained that it had nothing to do with trust, it was simply about having it in the event something were to happen. She snapped, saying that I was being unreasonable and if I didn’t trust her to just say so,” he wrote.
“I raised my voice and said, ‘I do trust you, I just want the prenup as a safety measure since I make more than you.'”
She reportedly said nothing while he continued, “A prenup makes me feel more comfortable. If you don’t want to sign one then fine, but I can’t get married without it.”
He said she stormed out of the house and left before he could stop her.
“I’ve been texting and calling, no response. The only sort of contact I’ve received was a message from her mom explaining that she would be staying with her until things cooled down,” he shared. “I feel bad for what I said, and I do regret the way I acted. However, I don’t feel like my request was too much. So, AITA?”
In an update to the post the following day, the Redditor said he still had not heard from his fiancée.
He clarified that he owns their house and his car and pays over half the bills. She owns her own car.
They don’t plan on having children.
Reddit users thought this discussion should have happened earlier in the relationship.
“Why hasn’t this been a point of discussion when you were talking about getting engaged or married?” one person wondered. “My wife and I had discussed prenups long before we even got engaged. It was never a topic I ever blindsided my wife [with] after getting engaged, but we both [knew] the terms that we wanted a prenup on before deciding to get engaged.”
“I’m very pro prenups. That said, I don’t think OP has quite done his research or understands what a prenup does, though. But If you want a prenup, just after proposal is not the best time to first bring it up. They should already have had that discussion long ago!” another exclaimed.
“Maybe if the discussion is not just about keeping things out of her hands but also about how you would plan together for her to be OK if you did divorce or die, it might be less hurtful. It is a great opportunity to discuss all kinds of eventualities or concerns,” a third suggested.
