Introvert: In years gone by, the word seemed like a curse.
It described a shy, socially awkward worker, cowering in a corner, hoping to be invisible.
When an introvert was identified, they were encouraged to be more outgoing and extroverted. For an introvert, it was soul-crushing.
Jackson Heights resident Skylar Liberty Rose, 49, knows this feeling.
Some 20 years ago she was living in London and working as a receptionist.
Most of her co-workers, including her boss, were stereotypical extroverts — talkative, social, vying to be the center of attention.
Rose tried to fit in.
“It was exhausting,” she said. “I went home each night feeling that I had the soul sucked out of me.”
And then there were the meetings. Rose felt a sense of shame about trying to network in big groups and wasn’t making any real connections.
“I didn’t believe I could be myself and still be truly successful,” she said. “I struggled for years.”
It wasn’t until her boss brought Myers-Briggs testing into the company that Rose found out that she was a particular type of introvert — and she got some relief. “It was the first time in my life that I’d truly felt seen,” she said.
But Rose’s boss wasn’t happy. “You’ll have to take the test over,” she remembered him saying, “because if it’s right and you are an introvert, everyone is going to walk all over you.”
Thankfully, because more research has been done, or more minds have been opened, introverts are now creating their own path to success in the workplace.
“Introversion is often misunderstood,” said John Hackston, a chartered psychologist and head of thought leadership at the Myers-Briggs Company. “It’s not about being shy or socially inept, but rather about energy and focus. Introverts get their energy from, and prefer to focus their attention on, their internal thoughts and feelings.”
Extroverts, on the other hand, prefer acting in ways that attract the attention of others, such as showing enthusiasm, excitement and positive emotions.
According to Karen Eber, a TED and keynote speaker as well as a consultant and author, introverts are typically creative, excel as listeners, are great at problem-solving and more.
Eber, whose book, “The Perfect Story: How To Tell Stories That Inform, Influence and Inspire” (Harper Horizon), hits stores this month, said that the key to success for introverts isn’t learning how to behave like extroverts. It’s leaning into their own strengths — like a keen attention to detail.
She also advocated creating narratives about yourself that strengthen trust, and establish stronger relationships and connections.
These stories can be used in presentations, in how you introduce yourself, how you talk about yourself with co-workers, in employee reviews, in job interviews and more.
Below, ways to succeed in the workplace without trying to become someone you’re not.
Turn job interviews into storytelling time
Oh, that dreaded job interview — a rapid fire of questions that you have to answer before you have time to think. Introverts may find comfort preparing ahead of time, and Eber has created a framework to do just that.
First: Define three words or phrases that describe what you want the interviewer to remember about you. Identify specific words or phrases that describe you best; avoid common terms like “conscientious.”
For example, saying you are an “agitator of change who asks questions to get people outside of their comfort zone and elevate thinking” describes what you would contribute. “That specificity is memorable and would resonate with companies seeking those skills,” said Eber.
Next, build a series of stories to answer the “tell me about a time . . .” questions that you might get, said Eber.
Finally, for each of the above, build a two-sentence story describing the challenge or conflict, what action you took, what was the result of your action(s) and what you learned.
Get through social situations intact
“An office birthday party (or something like it) can be an introvert’s nightmare,” said Laurie Helgoe, a clinical psychologist and author of “Introvert Power: Why Your Inner Life Is Your Hidden Strength” (Sourcebooks).
But “there are ways to navigate. Understand this is work, and approach it from that direction.”
There’s no need to try to be a social butterfly. Instead, “offer to help serve the cake,” said Helgoe.
Or write names on name tags if attendees don’t know each other, or be the one to hand out the drinks.
Once the task is complete, you are free to leave, but before you do, pick one person to say goodbye to.
Create boundaries
“Introverts need time to retreat and reflect. Time that is not face-to-face,” said Rose.
Scan the perimeters
“You’re most likely not the only introvert in the room,” said Ben Tobin, a tech industry and attention deficit/hyperactivity disorder career coach. “If you’re uncomfortable mingling, find someone who’s also alone. Introverts are often more comfortable one-on-one than one-on-many.”
Finally, a note to managers: When you plan parties, team-building events, work retreats in-person and on Zoom, or any other work-related event, remember that around half of the people present are introverts.
Be creative, plan around everyone. Remember that introverts need time to be on their own and reflect.
“Just because things are a certain way now, it doesn’t mean they have to stay that way. They are just what we’ve gotten used to,” said Helgoe.