Mind the red flags and guard your hearts folks, we are calling out dangerous tendencies and toxic tells.
The expression “to raise the red flag” is rooted in real history and practical applications.
A red flag is flown by armed forces as a warning of live fire exercises and by ships that are carrying ammunition. A red flag also indicates high wildfire danger or hazardous water conditions.
Red flags, also known as bloody flags have been raised in battle to indicate that no quarter will be given to an enemy. Mexican General Antonio López de Santa Anna famously flew a red flag to inform the defenders of the Alamo that he would leave no man alive.
In the age of the internet and with the advent of online dating, the term red flag has been optioned to describe someone who may be attractive in some sense but displays or contains an obvious warning light for romantic ruin.
Recent research ranks six qualities as the top tier of dealbreakers. They include, in no particular order “apathetic,” “gross,” “unmotivated,” “promiscuous,” “clingy” and “addicted.”
Reads like a word association poem of my past paramours, folks.
In truth, viability in a relationship has less to do with an absence of red flags and more to do with a willingness to lower them, to acknowledge and change our lesser qualities in pursuit of a healthy, happy dynamic.
Helping us navigate the slings, arrows and psychic tripwires of human interaction is Iva Naskova, an astrologer and relationship guide at Nebula, a platform that braids together astrological insights and practical guidance to help folks find love and clarity, get intimate and lead happier, bouncier lives. Naskova’s work is supported by her ‘conversation as divine conduit’ Gemini sun, grind or die, brass tax, build it better Capricorn moon and streamlined for success Virgo rising.
Read on to learn more about the red flags commonly flown by each zodiac sign.
ARIES (March 21 – April 19)
In astrology, red is synonymous with Mars-ruled, blood sport-loving cardinal fire sign Aries. Naskova explains, “Aries partners often have a quick temper, are controlling, and lack patience. Therefore, addressing their boundary issues and helping them manage their anger is essential. This may involve communicating your needs in a calm and assertive manner. A supportive and understanding approach can go a long way in building a strong and lasting relationship with an Aries partner.” The key to Aries’ love dynamics is to treat them with an almost militaristic defense strategy. Only engage when absolutely necessary and only negotiate when time has passed and tempers have cooled.
TAURUS (April 20 – May 20)
According to Naskova, “In romantic relationships, Taurus can exhibit possessiveness and stubbornness, which can become red flags if not addressed. This behavior may manifest in an unwillingness to compromise, excessive jealousy, or a need to control. Trust is important in any relationship, and giving each other enough space and privacy helps build that trust.” While it’s tough luck getting a Taurus to open up or compromise, they can be plied with snacks, songs and stock options. They tend to treat the people they love like possessions, a nasty red flag that can be mitigated through trust falls, soothing mantras and blood oaths of loyalty.
GEMINI (May 21 – June 20)
It’s hard to get a straight answer from a side-stepping Gemini but beneath their scattered effervescence is a sign that’s desperately seeking a deeper connection even as they do their damndest to evade intimacy through levity. Naskova explains, “Gemini traits include intellect, adaptability, and communication skills and they can be inconsistent and indecisive due to their dual nature. Relationship red flags include emotional distance, mood swings, and commitment issues.” Directly and calmly pointing out these patterns and extremes is the only way to get a Gemini to be clear. Like demons and to-go orders, calling out their issues by name is the true path to resolution.
CANCER (June 21 – July 22)
Cancer is ruled by the moody f–king moon and represents the divine feminine and the archetype of the mother. As such, they can swing wildly between nourishment and abandonment, smothering attentiveness and the silent treatment. Naskova explains, “Cancer individuals can sometimes exhibit clingy behavior, which may stem from their desire to feel needed and valued. They may have mood swings, which can be difficult for their partners to understand. Some Cancer individuals resort to emotional manipulation, such as playing the victim, to get their way.” Cancer folk benefit from partners that can stay afloat amidst the wrathful weather of their moods. They learn from tough love and practical example, holding a boundary will teach them to respect one.
LEO (July 23 – August 22)
Ruling the heart with a natural born prerogative to play, Leos possess a near boundless capacity for love, so long as they direct it out as much as they demand it be delivered. Naskova breaks it down, “Leos are confident, generous, and natural leaders. However, Leos crave attention and need constant validation. To build a strong and healthy relationship with Leo, it is crucial to establish a strong foundation of mutual respect and ensure equal attention and validation for both partners.” Mutual validation as kink and sharing as caring, can dig.
VIRGO (August 23 – September 22)
Virgos have a tendency to treat people like home improvement projects but recognizing that linoleum can be beautiful and everyone is in process can help pave the path to relationship success. Naskova advises, “Virgos are practical and to be demanding and meticulous, expecting nothing short of perfection. Relationship red flags may include a tendency towards excessive criticism or nitpicking, an inability to let go of insignificant issues, or a lack of flexibility in their expectations of others.” Seeing themselves and any potential partner as “in progress” rather than “insufficient” is a real unlock and red flag anecdote for Virgo folk.
LIBRA (September 23 – October 22)
Naskova breaks down the sign of the scales, “Libras are diplomatic, charming and indecisive. With this sign there are certain red flags to keep in mind; if your partner has difficulty expressing their feelings, avoids conflicts at all costs, or seems to have a fear of commitment, these could all be warning signs. It’s important to encourage your partner to be assertive when necessary.” I recommend sexual role play to help Libras get clear, vocal and committal about their wants. Whether that means they’re in charge/wearing the sock garter or they remain bound until they’re able to choose between two color swatches is up to you.
SCORPIO (October 23 – November 21)
Scorpio rules the eighth house of sex, death and secrets and coincidentally, does nothing lightly, least especially dating. They don’t so much play the field as mine the graveyard of the psyche, folks. Naskova writes, “Intense passion and unwavering loyalty characterize those born under the Scorpio zodiac sign. There is a tendency for Scorpios to become possessive and jealous, which can create issues in their relationships. It’s important to be aware of warning signs such as controlling behavior, lack of trust, and secrecy. By creating an environment that encourages honest and transparent communication, Scorpios are able to foster a deep sense of trust and intimacy with their partners, leading to strong and fulfilling relationships that last.” Scorpio is a fixed sign and a closet romantic; if they’re able to surrender suspicion and allow themselves to be vulnerable there is no sweeter or more stable partner to be found.
SAGITTARIUS (November 22 – December 21)
Sagittarius is the arrow to the sky, foot in the mouth, devil may care, hit the road jack rambler of the zodiac. Some might argue that archers make for better one-night stands than steady partners but in truth, they are here to learn that freedom and commitment can coexist. Naskova explains, “Sagittarians can be afraid of settling down, which can lead to commitment issues and difficulty in maintaining a long-term relationship. They may use hurtful words without realizing the impact it can have on their partner.” To overcome these challenges, mirroring exercises, safe words, public transportation and MDMA therapy are recommended.
CAPRICORN (December 22 – January 19)
Capricorn is ruled by Saturn and can be stoic in presentation and inflexible when it comes to failure, their own or others. Naskova expounds, “Capricorns are renowned for their strong work ethic, ambition, and practicality. They may prioritize their work above everything else, including their partner. A healthy balance between work and personal life should be encouraged. They may struggle with vulnerability, hindering emotional connection with their partner. Encouraging openness, spending quality time, and creating a secure environment can strengthen the bond.” An ideal match for a Capricorn is a partner on their grind but also one deeply vested in self-care that can teach the sea goat that rest is an essential part of the process of creation and connection.
AQUARIUS (January 20 – February 18)
Aquarius folk tend to put distance, emotional or physical, between themselves and who and what they want. Within each one is a streak of self-denial/detachment masquerading as altruism. Naskova illuminates, “Aquarians are independent, intellectual, and ready to help save the world. Yet, Aquarians struggle with fear of intimacy and may prioritize friendships over romantic relationships, leaving their partners feeling neglected or unimportant.” Aquarius is a fixed sign and while it is difficult to get them to change their patterns, they are capable of true commitment when they are able to regard and revere someone as an intellectual equal and a trusted friend.
PISCES (February 19 – March 20)
It is essential that Pisces feel like anything is possible, especially in love. When engaging with fish folk, be grounded in reality but open to entertaining all manner of whimsical f–kery. Naskova expounds, “If you’re in a relationship with a Pisces partner, be mindful of red flags like excessive emotional dependence that can leave you feeling drained, passive-aggressive behavior while avoiding conflicts, or an inclination towards addiction or escaping reality that can take a toll on your relationship in the long run. It’s essential to encourage positive coping mechanisms, communicate openly, and create a supportive environment.” Make them feel safe, make them feel free, make sure they don’t black out and watch that Pisces swim towards a healthy, happy attachment style.
Astrology 101: Your guide to the star
- The 12 zodiac signs
- What are the astrology houses
- Here’s what each planet represents
- Sun, moon and rising signs: Get to know your Big 3
Astrologer Reda Wigle researches and irreverently reports back on planetary configurations and their effect on each zodiac sign. Her horoscopes integrate history, poetry, pop culture and personal experience. She is also an accomplished writer who has profiled a variety of artists and performers, as well as extensively chronicled her experiences while traveling. Among the many intriguing topics she has tackled are cemetery etiquette, her love for dive bars, Cuban Airbnbs, a “girls guide” to strip clubs and the “weirdest” foods available abroad.
